hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
