I swear she didn't look like that last week.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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