Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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