i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
