So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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