Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
