My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Two words: nipple clamps
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