Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
