I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
