My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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