I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
