I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
