dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
