I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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