last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
