They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
