We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
