Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
