alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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