Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
