i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
