Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
