hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
