i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My breasts were aching with rage.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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