Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
