um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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