Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
