normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
