my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
