we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
