Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
