i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
