i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
