who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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