so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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