Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
