So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
