Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
