I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
