Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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