brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
