I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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