Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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