At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
