I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
