when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
did you just send me my own nude
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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