I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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