is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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