haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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