A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
